Pursuing Reconciliation
GUIDED BY MATTHEW 18
Introduction
We have already delved into the topics of repentance and forgiveness. I would like to conclude this series with a look at reconciliation. Reconciling comes from applying God’s grace to mend our relationships with each other. We are not capable of having perfect relationships, but when we reconcile, we can make them better. Seemingly a very personal journey, reconciling with one who has caused offense can take time and become a series of actions embedded in a community, as we find in Matthew 18:15-20.
However, when taken as a whole, Matthew 18 presents a deeply layered vision of reconciliation and what it means to live together as a community of believers. It is a chapter that speaks directly to the life of the church, offering practical guidance for how disciples of Jesus Christ are to embody reconciliation and forgiveness. These teachings, woven through a series of narratives and instructions, reveal how the community of Jesus’ followers is meant to reflect the kingdom of God – a kingdom marked not by exclusion or “rightness,” but by seeking, restoration, and compassion. Reconciliation is part of bringing the kingdom of God to the now; not only asking God to act, but promising to act as well. As we read through and discover the verses of Matthew 18, we will come to understand our calling to humility, personal responsibility, care for the vulnerable, and an unwavering commitment to reconcile. These interwoven truths form a spiritual ecosystem of grace, where each part builds upon the last, shaping the community into one where love does not gloss over sin, but rather meets it with truth, mercy, and a pursuit of reconciliation. This is not only a current task, but also a future one. In the kingdom of peace, we will serve by bringing people to God and mending corrupted relationships.
Becoming Small to See Clearly
(VERSES 1–5)
Chapter 18 begins with the disciples asking a question familiar to any human community: “Who is the greatest?” Jesus responds with something unexpected - a child. He places the child in the center and says, “Whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
In that moment, Jesus shifts their framework: greatness in His kingdom is not found in power, but in vulnerability; not in being right, but in being humble. The first rule of the kingdom: you have to be small in your own eyes to be great in God’s eyes. This humility is the starting point for any community that hopes to practice true reconciliation. If we are to confront one another in love, forgive one another from the heart, and seek those who have wandered, we must begin by taking the lowest place. We must become small enough to see others clearly - and to see ourselves honestly.
When we are humble, our own sin becomes “right-sized,” and then our reaction to the sins of others is modified in a godly way that gives us a clearer perspective. For small offenses, we can consider overlooking it magnanimously.
Avoiding the Snare of Stumbling Blocks
(VERSES 6-9)
From the call to humility, Jesus moves to a sobering warning: “Woe to that man by whom the offense comes!” Conflict, He acknowledges, is inevitable in any community. But there is a weighty responsibility in how we live with one another. Our words, our choices, our indifference - these can become stumbling blocks for others on their journey of faith. The inevitability of conflict should mean that it doesn’t come as a shock, but rather something that we can expect. Rather than inviting us to avoid all tension, Jesus calls us to live with an awareness of our impact and to be peacemakers. We are, in a very real way, accountable for one another – as citizens of His kingdom, as members of the community of faith, and as part of the body of Christ.
There is no such thing as neutral citizenship. And if we are to build a community of reconciliation, we must not only be ready to forgive, but also to repent of the ways we may have caused another to stumble. In most instances of conflict, we must realize that we are also contributors. Let us not retreat into a mindset of victimhood that focuses only on assigning blame to others while overlooking our own role. Instead, let us move past this stumbling block with humility and hope by choosing to put on Christ, allowing his grace to shape our lives and responses.
Cultivating a Shepherd’s Heart
(VERSES 10–14)
Having warned against causing harm, Jesus then paints a picture of divine compassion: the shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to search for the one. This parable is no accident in its placement; it reveals the heart of the Father, and it prepares the hearer for the process of reconciliation that follows. Verse 14 further reveals that God isn’t willing to settle for adequate numbers or percentages; He does not want to lose anyone.
In a community shaped by God’s heart, no one is disposable. The straying one is not written off, but pursued. Not shamed, but sought after. We must learn to love as God loves. This relentless love is not sentimental - it’s costly, inconvenient, and yet, utterly
necessary if the church is to resemble the kingdom of heaven. And, fostering God’s love within us is key to our own development
into a new creature in Christ.
Reconciliation as a Way of Life
(VERSES 15–20)
It is in this context of humility, caution, and compassion that Jesus outlines a process for addressing sin within the community. These verses are often read as rules for church discipline, but they are, in truth, a roadmap toward healing and reconciliation. In addition, prayer plays an important role in helping us overcome obstacles that prevent us from reconciling.
Jesus begins, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” This is not a call to confrontation for confrontation’s sake, but a sacred step toward restoration, an act rooted in Levitical law (Leviticus 19:17) and echoed in early church teaching: “Do not reprimand one another in anger, but in peace...” (Didache 15.3).
Right in this first step, Jesus reverses our human instinct. Consider the last time someone offended you: Who should begin the reconciliation process? Who should ask for forgiveness? Do we not usually wait for the one who has offended to initiate the conversation? Perhaps we think, “It wasn’t my fault; they should come to me.” But Jesus teaches us, “If your brother sins against you, [you] go and tell him…” In Jesus’ instruction, the offended goes after the offender, not to win the argument, but to win them back.
Blessed are the ones who make the first move, for they are peacemakers! Because it is not about being right; it’s about a restored relationship, a community made whole again, the lost one, sought after and welcomed back. So, the imperative is placed on the one who has been offended.
This takes humility, which brings us right back to the beginning of the chapter – we humble ourselves, like a child, and perhaps also take an honest look at our contribution to the conflict, as we seek out the one who hurt us. This means that it’s not about me, and I must stop defending myself and look to what Christ can do through me. Therefore, reconciliation requires sacrifice; it’s blood, sweat, and tears. In this, we follow the example of the Great Reconciler, Jesus Christ, who sacrificed all to reconcile us with God.
If reconciliation is not found, Jesus urges the inclusion of one or two others - trusted community members, not as judges, but as witnesses to the offender’s willingness to reconcile. Their presence creates a circle of safety and accountability, and they are called to uphold oneness and unity with God and with the community. If even then, the person refuses to be restored, the community becomes involved - not as a tribunal, but as a call toward welcome and wholeness.
“Let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17). These words might sound like rejection, but in Jesus’ own ministry, such people were precisely the ones He pursued with compassion. The offender is only viewed as an outsider because they have excluded themselves from the community. Yet, outsiders have the capacity to repent and return. These words are not a call to ostracize; that should never be our response. Rather, they are a responsibility to continue reaching out to them, as they have left the circle of believers and the peace of the kingdom of God.
It is in this weighty moment that Jesus offers a reminder: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” (Matthew 18:20). Far from the feel-good quote we assume of this verse, this is an onerous affirmation: God is present in these hard, grace-filled, spirit-guided conversations. The church, through the apostle ministry, carries authority in these moments (to “bind…and loose,” to decide), but it is a delegated authority - meant to mirror the compassion and forgiveness of the Father. Jesus is reminding us, “As you address conflict, remember, God is there with you. He expects that your actions are modeled on His, the seeking Shepherd and the merciful King.” This also applies to members of the congregation who are bystanders to the conflict. It is not our place to take sides and pass judgment, but rather model our behavior on the reconciling love of God.
Forgive as You Have Been Forgiven
(VERSES 21–35)
Peter, perhaps feeling the weight of this process, asks: “How often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” Jesus responds with the parable of the unforgiving servant, one who is shown mercy but refuses to extend it. Here, the entire chapter comes full circle. We began with humility, then moved through caution, pursuit, reconciliation, and now land at forgiveness - the heartbeat of this new community of faith. The parable drives the point home: if we, who have been forgiven so much, cannot forgive others, then we fail to embody the very grace we have received. The key is our understanding of what Jesus Christ has personally done for each one of us.
Recognition of His sacrifice allows us to do the hard work of forgiveness and mending, leading us on the path to the kingdom. Recognizing the selfless, sacrificial, relationship-healing love of God is either a driving force in your life, or it isn’t. This becomes evident when we are able to control our anger and still maintain a tender heart toward one another.
Forgiveness is not a one-time act, but a way of being, a way of living. We forgive because we have been forgiven through Jesus Christ. We reconcile because we have been reconciled to God. And when we do, we not only keep the community intact, but we also become a living expression of the kingdom of heaven. This means that we live antithetically to the world around us. One look at the Beatitudes found in Matthew 5 shows us that God’s kingdom operates in a reversal of the values of our society today: be poor in spirit, mourn your sinfulness, humble yourself, be merciful and pure, and finally, be peacemakers.
A Church that Seeks, Heals, and Welcomes
Matthew 18 is not simply a manual for conflict resolution. It is a vision for the church: a body marked by radical humility, fierce compassion, and patient, persistent forgiveness. The steps Jesus offers are not a checklist to rid ourselves of the difficult, but an invitation to keep seeking one another, just as the Father seeks after each one of us. We must put on His system of values, one that seeks after every soul with an eternal intention.
In a world quick to cancel, divide, and move on, the church is called to model something else. We are called to go after the one. To initiate hard conversations with humility. To create space for confession and change. To forgive seventy times seven. To be a community of reconciliation is to mirror the heart of God: a Shepherd who searches, a King who forgives, a Savior who is always with us, especially when the work of reconciliation feels most daunting.
Apostle Paul speaks about this challenging work in his first letter to the Corinthians. He has heard that the members of the congregation in Corinth are not seeking to reconcile within the community, but rather, are taking one another to court (1 Corinthians 6:1-6). As disciples of Christ, preparing for His return, we long to serve and reign with Him in His kingdom of peace, where we will share the gospel as kings and priests, serving in the perfect will of God.
Paul alludes to this eschatological obligation – “if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters… [the] things that pertain to this life?” (1 Corinthians 6:2-3). How can we operate in the kingdom of peace with the agency of kings and priests, and yet not be wise enough to settle disputes amongst ourselves now?
Reconciliation is the process by which God will bring about the new creation. Christ died to reconcile not only humanity with God, but all of creation with its Creator (Romans 8:18-22). A broken relationship has the potential to become stronger and more beautiful through the process of reconciliation. When we work towards reconciliation, we align ourselves with God’s will and thus prepare ourselves for Christ’s return and the establishment of the kingdom of peace. There, we will continue to share the gospel and advance the kingdom of God in the hearts of humanity by mending their hearts and reconciling them to God and each other. For this purpose, God is maturing us to be peacemakers and reconcilers through the gift of the Holy Spirit.
By embracing the steps outlined in Matthew 18, not as rigid laws but as grace-filled practices, we become a living picture of the coming kingdom of God: a place where no one is forgotten, where every effort is made to restore, and where forgiveness and reconciliation are the foundation of our life together. Then, Christ’s healing and redeeming power is truly reflected in the congregation.